Spanish and the Bleed

So my job does not entail anything below the stomach; yet, I was pulled into a room the other day because I speak a very limited number of Spanish words. Needless to say, my client was put on hold as I ran to do my duty and assist the physician.

The patient is lying on his back and the doctor begins firing a million questions for me to translate so we can obtain his medical history.

The patient, growing uneasy, responds cautiously.

The doctor then snaps on a latex glove, searches out his KY Jelly, and then asks me to tell the patient he is going to roll him on his side and check for a rectal bleed.

OMG! How do I say that?!!! [deep breath]

"El va a poner un dedo en su nalgas."

Patient's eyes bulge. Finger in. Finger out.

"It's green."

"Es verde."

"Good"

"Es bueno... porque no hay sangre?"[I think]

So because of this wonderful inopportune time that I was provided to demonstrate my skills I have decided to try and learn Spanish. I SOOO did not sign up for this!

Learn to Live with It...

Death will always be there. Whether there has been months, weeks, or days of preparation. What if it is sudden? I have realized that no matter what or how, it will always be tragic.

The tears will come without remorse. They are so unforgiving and have no predjudice for who may be watching as they fall.

The body physically ill as a part of you goes to the grave with the one you loved.

The spirit finally broken, my soul mourns for the one I lost ... but for how long?

I ran away. I left the town that brings forth nothing but death and destruction. I wanted to heal.

I want to forget!

It will never go away. This will always be there. The hell with the stages of grief!

Refusal

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

Bullshit! People die when the shouldn't! So tell me, how long should this mourning last?! When should I stop being brought to tears! Why should I not be sad?!!

• "He was shot last night." Why?




• "They can't do anything more for her cancer" Why? What makes everyone else so special that they get to live and receive the latest and greatest treatment?




• "They found your cousin dead at grandma's house." It's Christmas Eve! Really! Is this how Christ intended for me to celebrate His life.

That was my Friend! My aunt! My cousin! The news keeps coming, yet no one has answers.

How long will this mourning last?!

It does not go away....the thoughts will always be there...but there is an even bigger fight.... learning to live with it

Grandpa and All That Jazz!

So I went to see 'Ella' at the Laguna Playhouse. There are no words to explain the sheer genius and talent that I was able to indulge in. I was in awe of the Skat-queen ... yet felt compelled to share this moment with those nearest and dearest to me.

My grandfather was a musician back during a time when segregation was alive and thriving. Many of times he has shared his stories about how he was privileged to be around great talent despite his Chicano background.

He has always told me, "Don't ever feel inferior because of your race. They are just people like you and me." So as I sat in the Laguna Playhouse, with my non-blonde hair and inadequacy of social etiquette, I felt right at home in the familiarity of the music of my soul. The music he played. The music that existed before me.

I was enthralled ... and wished so much that people could experience Grandpa's music one last time. And there it was. On stage. Grandpa's music. During my Sunday visit with him I was bubbling over with excitement just sharing with him my experience at the play. Then..........a deep breath........afraid of the rejection........I asked him if he would like to go.

His 90 year old wise face turned towards me, and he softly replied, "I would enjoy that."

The Basement and Forgotten

So it's been awhile, right? Well, I have found that being out of school makes me a nice person... I think. Anyhow, I started working in a basement with the nonverbal. Their ages vary. The workers have time warped and are stuck in their old ways. They are not inclined to move forward... just remain static...IN THE BASEMENT!

I am not satisfied ... I have suddenly become bored (go figure). So I am moving on. Let me back up a minute. My other half finally moved me away from a town that thrives on murder to 'Pleasantville'. He must have finally got the hint after I played 'Cowboy Take Me Away' by the Dixie Chicks like a million times. So now I live as a Stepford Wife, and will be going back to Death Town to work.

I am a freak of nature ... In a few months the wind will change direction and I will want to follow it (of course). And like the fire, I will raise hell in a new place until it is time for me to burn elsewhere...

The World of Music & Art

Kudos to my Cowboy and Yezve http://yezvemusic.googlepages.com/home for their collaboration in the production of the CD artwork for the release of Monocultura. Yezve has been carefully articulating this compilation for sometime, and with satisfaction with the fruits of their labor, they are ready for production. To convey the spirit of their music, they came to my Cowboy (Akaixi - http://akaixi144.googlepages.com) to create the art.

It is a beautiful thing when the arts community can come together and achieve the vision.

See also http://reeltoreal.blogspot.com/2008/07/reel-2-real.html for more information regarding the production.

The 'Don't Shut Up' Quote

So, if you ever talked to any member of my family, they will tell you that I always have an opinion to share. If anyone of them were in trouble, I would offer them ideas of available opportunities. If they were on self-destruct, I would try to intervene. AND if you were just plain screwin' up then I will just as plainly flat out tell you. I'd like to think of it more of as being a do-gooder vigilante type, like the extreme interventionist Benjamin Bratt on The Cleaner. ha ha

Maybe it is not my place. Matter of fact it is never my place, but this verse compels me to not shut up!

"Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say, 'But we know nothing about this', does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it?" --- Proverbs 23:11-14

At least I stood for something, right? For some people, the above quote is an excuse for remaining with those who are detestable, and they themselves fall into a lifestyle of self-destruct; however this quote seems quite fitting:

"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself'...[for] As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." Proverbs 26: 4, 11

A Quote to Ponder

"...when you're screwing up and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up. And that's the lesson that stuck with me my whole life. Is that when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care."

Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture (2007)

www.cmu.edu/randyslecture

Not a Good Samaritan

Luke 10:30-37:

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who
stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half-dead. Now by chance a
priest was going down that road; and when he saw him he passed by on the other
side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on
the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was; and when
he saw him, he had compassion, and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring
on oil and wine; then he set him on his own beast and brought him to an inn, and
took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the
innkeeper, saying 'take care of him; and whatever more you spend, I will repay
you when I come back.'"

That is how it should have gone down, but this is really what happened:




SO, I have graduated from a well-established private University and have obtained my studies in an area that is in great demand. Being that I am a Type A, I began interviewing for jobs 3 months prior to graduation and was offered the position THREE MONTHS BEFORE GRADUATION. In order to begin working, I have to have a temporary license issued by the state. So I diligently took care of all of the paper work, and upon the nearing of graduation, I sent it off to the state so that a file was opened and the process started.



I knew that it would be about 4 weeks before I could start working, and I made sure I contacted the State to ensure that I had not missed a step. Then a few weeks after the packet was mailed, I receive a letter stating that they are missing items. I call and they confirm that they have all the required components as of 2 weeks earlier, BUT because they are barely confirming this over the phone NOW I will have to wait 4 - 6 weeks from the time of the call.



Two weeks pass and I am not making any headway with the state; therefore, I drive several hundred miles to the state capitol. They take my name and tell me that they already told me over the phone what date I could expect to be issued a license, AND that they can't tell me where we are in the process.



I go home, sit tight for 2 more weeks, begin to exhaust the last of my savings, AND THEN receive the ultimate smack in the face. In early June the FBI advised the state that my fingerprints were not readable.



A 3rd call is made with the following questions:

• Why wasn't I advised of this 2 weeks ago when I was in your office?



• Why wasn't I advised of this 4 weeks ago when I called your office?



• What kind of time frame are we looking at once I get reprinted?

THE STATE says that they don't know why they never told me, and that it will take another 10 -30 days before they issue a license, and that they just realized I had another license with them and they failed to tell me that I did not need new fingerprints from the get go.

Needless to say, I had to suck it up before they bent me over again for one last SCREW....then I cried. Sitting, not desiring to leave the house, take calls, or....whatever (not even finish the sentence).

ENOUGH!

So, I live incredibly close to a cemetary.

On Friday morning, 7 am to be exact, a female parks her SUV, turns up the Spanish music (the kind you play when you are drunk), and begins to clean her car! After cleaning her car, she sets out a lawn chair, but does not sit in it. Instead, she lays out in the grass next to an overly decorated grave. Who does this?!!!! Obviously someone who has no discretion, right?

The maintenance men are on the property, so I assume that the facility is open and call to make a complaint. Mind you, this is not the first time that I have complained about these patrons who party weekly on this grave site. From 7am - 830am I get the business answering service who cannot do anything but take a message. In a mad rush, I finish getting ready and drive over to the office to make a complaint. I am greeted by two snotty, entry-level secretaries who are bothered at the fact at the first words out of my mouth are "I would like to speak with a manager please."

They respond by sending me a grounds keeper supervisor, and I follow by stating my reason for my business (e.g. the neighbors are tired of the loud music, parties, and garbage in our yards on account of these patrons; AND this is one of many complaints that has not been resolved). This towering man responds by stating that I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE because it is not their problem. In response to his attempt to side step responsibility I retort:

"So you are telling me that the actions that are conducted on your
company's property are not your responsibillity? You are telling me that
you are not accountable for maintaning the integrity of this nieghborhood,
correct? Are there not noise abatement laws that your business is
responsible for adhering to should your conduct effect those in your
vicinity?"

With a perplexed look on his face, he stated that he would address the issue promptly and that I was welcome to contact him anytime.

Needless to say, I have had enough! Enough of the side-stepping of responsibility. Enough of those who have never been raised to have consideration for others. AND enough of keeping my mouth shut so that I assertive confrontation is avoided.

Pure Insanity

As the fire, here is the latest thing that I would like to 'burn' and bring back to its simplest form. I mean, where have the days gone when family is a support mechanism and not a 'co-dependent' relationship? I live in a world where all of the characters are the Queen of Hearts, and some one is a subordinate to someone else; therefore, there is no compromise.

So a girl sends me a text saying she is marrying a guy from a far off land and her sibling is irate. Invitation or sympathy outreach? I wasn't able to decode the meaning either, so as a defense mechanism (uh, in an effort to not react), I respond with "Let me know when you are moving so I can say goodbye." Rude or clever? I really don't care what you think, it's my issue, I just like to ponder another person's means of dealing with the situation. My reasons are mine, pretty much meaning it is not my problem to take ownership of.

Then I get a call from a Woman asking to pick up a child for lunch from school. The child is given fast food meals everyday so how can I argue with an established routine, right? Anywho, the woman on the other line has poor health and is huffing and puffing because she is caring for her brother who is ill, and she is also in a rush to get to the hospital to care for another gentleman who is in the advanced stages of a degenerative disease. All the while, this child's father had come from across town to pick up the child's younger sibling at the same school.

THEN the Woman invites my spouse and I for dinner; however, we must be there early because a boy would like dinner by a certain hour, AND an Elderly Man is expecting her to arrive that evening to prepare his dinner and settle him in for bed. (I declined the invitation even though I know how much it means to the Woman that I join her.)

I truly do feel bad about the whole situation (running around rampant and the Woman not being physically well herself), but I can't change how things are. It is what it is, So I am here, waiting on the world to change...