Spanish and the Bleed

So my job does not entail anything below the stomach; yet, I was pulled into a room the other day because I speak a very limited number of Spanish words. Needless to say, my client was put on hold as I ran to do my duty and assist the physician.

The patient is lying on his back and the doctor begins firing a million questions for me to translate so we can obtain his medical history.

The patient, growing uneasy, responds cautiously.

The doctor then snaps on a latex glove, searches out his KY Jelly, and then asks me to tell the patient he is going to roll him on his side and check for a rectal bleed.

OMG! How do I say that?!!! [deep breath]

"El va a poner un dedo en su nalgas."

Patient's eyes bulge. Finger in. Finger out.

"It's green."

"Es verde."

"Good"

"Es bueno... porque no hay sangre?"[I think]

So because of this wonderful inopportune time that I was provided to demonstrate my skills I have decided to try and learn Spanish. I SOOO did not sign up for this!

Learn to Live with It...

Death will always be there. Whether there has been months, weeks, or days of preparation. What if it is sudden? I have realized that no matter what or how, it will always be tragic.

The tears will come without remorse. They are so unforgiving and have no predjudice for who may be watching as they fall.

The body physically ill as a part of you goes to the grave with the one you loved.

The spirit finally broken, my soul mourns for the one I lost ... but for how long?

I ran away. I left the town that brings forth nothing but death and destruction. I wanted to heal.

I want to forget!

It will never go away. This will always be there. The hell with the stages of grief!

Refusal

Anger

Depression

Acceptance

Bullshit! People die when the shouldn't! So tell me, how long should this mourning last?! When should I stop being brought to tears! Why should I not be sad?!!

• "He was shot last night." Why?




• "They can't do anything more for her cancer" Why? What makes everyone else so special that they get to live and receive the latest and greatest treatment?




• "They found your cousin dead at grandma's house." It's Christmas Eve! Really! Is this how Christ intended for me to celebrate His life.

That was my Friend! My aunt! My cousin! The news keeps coming, yet no one has answers.

How long will this mourning last?!

It does not go away....the thoughts will always be there...but there is an even bigger fight.... learning to live with it

Grandpa and All That Jazz!

So I went to see 'Ella' at the Laguna Playhouse. There are no words to explain the sheer genius and talent that I was able to indulge in. I was in awe of the Skat-queen ... yet felt compelled to share this moment with those nearest and dearest to me.

My grandfather was a musician back during a time when segregation was alive and thriving. Many of times he has shared his stories about how he was privileged to be around great talent despite his Chicano background.

He has always told me, "Don't ever feel inferior because of your race. They are just people like you and me." So as I sat in the Laguna Playhouse, with my non-blonde hair and inadequacy of social etiquette, I felt right at home in the familiarity of the music of my soul. The music he played. The music that existed before me.

I was enthralled ... and wished so much that people could experience Grandpa's music one last time. And there it was. On stage. Grandpa's music. During my Sunday visit with him I was bubbling over with excitement just sharing with him my experience at the play. Then..........a deep breath........afraid of the rejection........I asked him if he would like to go.

His 90 year old wise face turned towards me, and he softly replied, "I would enjoy that."

The Basement and Forgotten

So it's been awhile, right? Well, I have found that being out of school makes me a nice person... I think. Anyhow, I started working in a basement with the nonverbal. Their ages vary. The workers have time warped and are stuck in their old ways. They are not inclined to move forward... just remain static...IN THE BASEMENT!

I am not satisfied ... I have suddenly become bored (go figure). So I am moving on. Let me back up a minute. My other half finally moved me away from a town that thrives on murder to 'Pleasantville'. He must have finally got the hint after I played 'Cowboy Take Me Away' by the Dixie Chicks like a million times. So now I live as a Stepford Wife, and will be going back to Death Town to work.

I am a freak of nature ... In a few months the wind will change direction and I will want to follow it (of course). And like the fire, I will raise hell in a new place until it is time for me to burn elsewhere...